Entering an abandoned building, you discover that it's some kind of museum of Solar System History, looks like it's abandoned for years now, there's some strange computer in the center of the room with a button that seems to hum with a little life. You imagine that just pressing that button can reactivate the entire museum, or least the tour guide.
Upon clicking a holo-projector Monitor, lights flash for a moment and a figure that looks like some kind of 50's commercial for a 'better tomorrow' pops up, it seems to be glitching here and there but for the most part it's coming through clearly.
'Hello Future Space Explorer! And W-w-w-welcome to YOUR Solar System-tem-tem-tem *static* Solar System! Where we tell you about the Planets, Moons, and Inhabitants that you share it with!'
'Hahaha I know what your saying Space Explorer [YOUR NAME HERE], why do I have to share 'my' Solar system with 'these' other things? Well it's simple Space Explorer! You don't have a choice!'
'It all starts with the Cen-Cen-Center of our Solar System the Sun! If you don't know what this is then your some kind of idio- You must have been living under a rock! The sun is our chief source of life, and is the reason why our planets aren't haphazardly floating into black holes and super novas!'
'What's that you say Space Explorer [YOUR NAME HERE]? You couldn't give two flips about your life bringing sun? You heartless monster, but warranted! It's just some boring star with no hopes of life on it! So let's focus on the Planets and their moons!'
The track your on begins to move but then fizzles out from all the sand and malfunctions - so you just walk to the next display.
'Mercury! First planet to the sun, and a melting pot of mineral sources that you sentients deem required! It's too hot even for the Drevii to live on and there's just no solid surface, of course that hasn't stopped the Drevii from extracting from it through their Magi-Colonies for Magika Stones!'
'What does Mercury have to do with Magika stones? Well Space Explorer if I knew that I'm sure this would be a completely different guide wouldn't it?'
'Current there are no 'Organic' inhabitants of the planet simply orbital colonies of teraforming cybernetics with sanctioned rights to trade amongst other races and the majority of MagikaTek Labs.'
'Venus! Home World of those damn arrogant sons of- *static noises, a long beep noise a display saying 'Reformatting' and then* Home of those Wonderful Drevii! You humans might call them 'Space Elves' which isn't completely inaccurate, but they prefer you show them respect and call them Drevii!'
'This planet is nothing but a molting and freezing planet that's usually inhabitable but somehow Drevii have found a way using that universal phenomenon 'Magika', more specifically through floating palaces using Magika based Technology! Brought to you by MagikaTek Labs! If it's not inexplainable, it's not from MagikaTek Labs!'
'When approaching a Drevii one should always show them some form of respect! Their high regard for themselves is something to be. . . er. . . admired. . . so be sure not to be as vulgar as we're comfortable with. It is unknown 'how' the Drevii came to be, Humans have quite a lot of theories, but currently only two races in this Solar System may have 'any' idea of what that is! All we know for sure is they are here to stay, and bring their form of order to this universe!'
'By Venus Law A person wishing to move into one of the flying magika palaces that is 'not' a Venus Born Drevii or a Drevii Period must fill out approximately 8365 Documents stating that your giving up your citizenship of all other planets and moons in our system, submitting to accepting the governmental standing of the Drevii, and that if your not a Drevii are lower than the dirtiest of worms and must bathe at least twice a day to ensure that you are less than filth!'
'Final notes of Venus and it's inhabitants is that this is supposedly this system's origin of Magika! And so during the Solar War was targeted by the Humans as well as the Shivans to try and take it over for their own purposes!'
When you tried to ask a question about the 'Solar War' or 'what's a shivan' or 'why were Shivan attacking venus' the tour guide computer system stated
'All Questions will be answered soon enough Space Traveler! And any questions that have yet to be answered can be asked at the end of the tour!'
'Welcome Home Space Explorer [YOUR NAME HERE!], It has been awhile since you've been back and MANY things have happened! What use to be the 'Blue Planet Of Life' back in the good days, is now the 'Dusty Ghetto Planet That People Come To Die On'! AKA Earth!'
'Originally inhabited by the Humans, this planet was already on it's own way to killing off it's planet! So it was high time that the great and mighty Humans decided to work on deep space teraforming! Stop gazing at the stars and finally do something with their slowly choking out lives!'
'First thing was first! They had to get resources, and the first stop on their list was 'Mars' of all places! Needless to say after very expensive ventures to make a few ships, and one immaculate structure known as 'Colony Isis' which still hovers the Earth Today, still gleaming with it's untouched Glory!'
'The mission was simple, Go to Mars, Terraform it, return the resources to Earth, make more colonies, Happy Ending! This is where the snag raised, soon as they landed on a certain quadrant of Mars they discovered a very curious sight, Relics of 'Ancient Technology' of the Foreign kind. . . It made one wonder 'Now what left all this neat stuff?' well Of course it being Mars and Humans being as they are thought 'Must Be Martians Seeking to steal our brains and our women!' Well they were 1/3rd Correct!'
'Regardless, they found technology like none they had ever seen nor could they comprehend! It was all fossilized as well which is like one big middle finger to the explorers, but what 'could' be understood of the technology made things 'much' easier for the Humans!'
'Namely - the relics that 'could' be understood, were the 'Warp-Gate-Technologies'! As you may or may not know Warp-Gate-Tech is nearly impossible to master, in fact there is only one known species that has even come close to perfecting it, and even they reluctantly admit that they have yet to perfect it.'
'This however would mark the start of an explorer and politicians DREAM come true! First of all the Humans would have to figure out their Warp-Gate-Tech system and give it the appropriate power source. Fortunately whoever abandoned Mars had left in what we could only assume was some form of 'Black Box' translatable instructions and a strangely functioning power source for this advanced science. It was reported that the explorers that were going through these ruins always felt as though they were being watched. . .'
'It would be years before we translated the instructions, and longer still before we managed to get our first Warp-Gate and to our amazement the first thing we see when we open it? The Drevii! Can you imagine how humans felt looking at these flawless, tall, pointy eared Magika Flinging people? It was a Let down!'
'Needless to say this opened up a NEW universe to the two species and shaking everything they believed in once before! Soon to follow was the negotiations and politics that would form the two races into exploring the rest of what the Solar System had to offer.'
'This would mark the start of of the 'Deep-Solar-Exploration-Guild' A Guild with a terribly long name formed to do exactly as it's name implied. Explore through the Warp-Gate technologies with the Aid of the Drevii and their newer more powerful Magika aid source! Thus the beginning of Magika Tech!'
'But before we could do ANYTHING it was then that a ship would come into our orbit and to EVERYONES surprise watch it come crashing down to Earth! It would be to even more of our surprise that it was full of strange cat people.'
'We thought the drevii were a let down for another alien, but cat people? that took the cake. They were VERY Xenophobic, didn't trust a single thing about us Humans or Drevii, armed with some strange yet strangely tribal looking tech, spears and shields and what not.'
'We couldn't exactly have them roaming free, and they didn't exactly want to blend in with our races so we sectioned off their ship with a huge fence and a new border patrol to keep them in and people out. This didn't smooth our relationship with the species one bit. In fact we may have been the ones at fault that made Native Mytharii hate entering cities and making camps outside of city limits. Can't say we blame them, the ones that weren't kept in their settlement prisons were used as free labor to help advance our own technologies for deep space exploration.'
'The red planet and 4th planet in the inner asteroid belt! As you already know this Planet was first discovered to have ancient relics of an ancient people that neither race knew about. It seems however it wasn't completely abandoned! *Gasp* You heard me there was life on that red rock of all things!'
'It was during a deep mining exploration attempt that some miners discovered more recent technologies and a colony of two races. The Amoi, the sea slug people piloting giant robots, well giant for them, and the true owners of the Planet Mars, the Shivan.'
'Now let me tell you something, those Shivan terrified all who saw them, to use they were nothing more than robotic zombies slowly falling apart and doing weird weird experiments.'
'Amoi on the other hand were surprisingly friendly and more than willing to help the Miners back to the surface. It was through the Amoi's help that the Humans, Drevii, and Mytharii slaves were able to convince the Shivan to aid them in solar system exploration.'
'Of course you can read up more about this in history decks in other parts of the Museum, you likely want to know 'what's there now' right? No problem!'
'After the Solar War when the Shivan were run out of their home planet, TeraCo took it upon themselves to make this their home base, which in short means the Humans own Mars.'
Asteroid Belt Display
'Currently it's unknown if anything lives in this danger zone, all that is known for sure is that it's currently being used as a mining source for TeraCo and other mining companies, moving on!'
'Ah the Biggest Planet In Our System! Jupiter itself is basically a giant gas planet that we have yet to find the center of! Or rather we found it but it's too small and the gravity is too high to live on! So we avoided being 'directly' on the planet! Currently it's the MagikaTek Labs that control Jupiter itself, but what they're using their floating palace ships there for is still unknown to the Solar Alliance.'
Jupiter's Moons Display
'Of course Jupiter is 'great' and all but not as interesting as it's Moons which we 'have' natural life on! More specifically Titan and other Mytharii claimed moons! It was discovered that Titan among other moons of Jupiter were controlled by the Mytharii, and it wasn't until years that we could return the Mytharii home only to discover that their own people didn't want them!'
'Why did this happen? what could have caused the mytharii to reject it's own stranded Earthen People? Just that, they were no Longer Tribal! They were in a sentience level form of 'Domesticated'! Now that sounds much much worst than one might expect, but it's easy enough to explain with an example!'
'Back on Earth during the 1950's give or take, African Americans were of course no longer slaves, but were still treated like dirt! So when they decided to return to Africa and back to their roots, you know what their people said? 'We don't want them back'! This was because the African people and the African American people had through time and social standards become completely different people!'
'This is the case with the Mytharii, there are now two types of Mytharii in this system! Titan Mytharii, a tribal group that live in packs surviving off the lands, and Earthen Mytharii that live in cities and settlements or just outside of them living off of credits, and freelance work!'
'It was devastating for the people to see their own kind reject their entire people after finally coming all this way back home! What could they do now though? Their proud people had become a different people!'
'Eventually when the Solar War came the Drevii took claim of all the Mytharii and used them on their side, guaranteeing them freedom if they aided in winning the war, reluctantly now without a true home, the Mytharii agreed.'
'Ah Saturn, they say these days this planet with it's distinguishable rings is now one of the biggest tourist traps in the solar system. The most curious thing about this planet besides the fact that it makes for a wonderful honeymoon spot, has amazing Casinos, and water parks galore is that it's also an Excavation sight for Explorers of many kinds, more specifically, Paleontologists.'
'Besides many many MANY vacation spots with beaches for the rich and famous, there is a college on this planet for 'Future Space Explorers' who have a whole course simply for Paleontology, because someone miraculously dug up some old 'alien dinosaur bones'! It's also said this is one of only a few places where there are Shivan Educators!'
'Besides some 'space dino bones' this place tends to have a 5 Star Ratting on EVERYTHING vacation! Even the Verga'an and Shivan can't help but enjoy themselves here! That's saying something!'
'Ha I bet you thought this would just be a Butt on a Stick didn't you, or that there would be a lot of graffiti with a lot of butt jokes on the wall behind! Well get that sick idea out of your head!'
You avoided mentioning anything about the spray painted butt on the wall behind with the Graffiti as mentioned, it felt inappropriate for this tour.
'Currently Uranus is home to the largest collection of junk shops, mechanics, and Machine factories in this system, one of the most prestigious mechanic colleges is stationed on this planet. The planet is owned by the Cybernetics but it's been noted Shivan, Amoi, and Verga'an reside on this planet.'
'The College would like to note the Verga'an on this planet are 'Casteless' and should not be approached as they have no honor what so ever.'
'Uranus's moons are also owned by the Machines, in fact there are several moons that have been terraformed and replaced with mechanical colonies of unknown purpose.'
'This planet is said to be where the Amoi originated from, and thusly is co-owned by Amoi and Humans. The Amoi on this planet are just as friendly as they ever were on any other planet, but it's said the Humans that Co-exist on this planet are all Extremist Cult types.'
'Specifically the 'Cult Of The Matron' is a military based cult of same gender Human females that believe if it is not 'pure' or if it's a heretic in their Gods eye it must be exterminated. It is currently impossible for the Solar Alliance to do 'anything' about this cult in question as they have somehow gained far too advanced technology and combat prowess to simply counter act them.'
'They have yet to make a move, but they rarely let anyone onto Neptune that isn't there for the 'purist' of reasons or not of their gender or race.'
'Despite this if one is lucky enough to get on Neptune, than one will find that it is a genetic gold mine as it seems to have with it the code of life, as example of the Amoi native to this planet.'
'Ah Pluto you Wannabe Planet, we still love you, so much so that you are home to some of the most prestigious colleges in this entire system! Having some of the greats teach at your mini-planet sized colleges! But other than your strive for higher education you also serve as a neutral point for negotiations! Wonderful! What's that? What other praise do you get Pluto? JACK-SHIT! Your great for negotiations and education - but short of that your just that little brother rock we reluctantly bring along because Mama Sun said so! Now get while we smoke some space we-'
'What's that Space Explorer [YOUR NAME HERE] you don't recognize this planet? And you call yourself an Explorer, this is VP113, also recognized as the home planet of the Verga'an. Though to be fair it's no surprise you don't recognize this planet, it only comes into our orbit every 400 years! Give or take!'
'VP113 is said to be a gigantic Dwarven fort with technology far beyond our comprehension! No explorer is welcome on their planet, not after the Summer of [DATE AND INFORMATION MISSING - FILE CORRUPTED - RUNNING BACK UP FILE 33BA530DKL]'
'Did you know it was thanks to the Verga'an that we had people like the Huns, Vikings, The Romans, Aztecs, and other groups of humans of War? Of course it was mostly to counter the Shivans with their 'science and education' policy with the Egyptians, Atlantians, Mayans, Greeks, and other societies that believed in education and information? It seems the two races would form certain societies simply to see how they would be pitted against one another. Mind blowing when you think of it!'
End of Tour
'Well congratulations future Space Explorer [YOUR NAME HERE] you have learned some of the basics of these planets in our system! And there are more yet to be explored, so go out there, be brave and Discoveeerrrr theeee fffuuuutttuuuuurrrre-'
The display suddenly fizzles and the museum goes completely dark, you find yourself turning a flashlight on and finding your way to either the next exhibit or the gift shop, probably something worth of value in one of those two directions, be it knowledge, or snow globes to sell back in your own shop.